hell yes lets make some ravioli
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
