i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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