Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
