More tranny stories later!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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