i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize