Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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