one might say we're banned from that church
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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