You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
