Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
