Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
