I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize