i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
