It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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