your parents love me but you hate me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
