"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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