Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
