There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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