So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
