guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
