if only i could text you this smell
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
