i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
