Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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