I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are we still banned from the library?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
