She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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