Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
