Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
