No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
