in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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