Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
