Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
