I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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