you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
