The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
