READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
