i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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