well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize