honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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