Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
