well I can't set my house on fire every night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
