Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize