PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
