I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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