We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to calm my uterus...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
