What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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