well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize