i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
