please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
