dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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