Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
