Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
