so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
