does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
