every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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