ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
