Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
