There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
