There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
