3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
