An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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