dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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