6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
