I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
