Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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