We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize