my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
