dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
