im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
