So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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