He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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