he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
