She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I could fuck to npr.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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