i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
