you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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