who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
