check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
