She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm jealous of your bromance
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
