sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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