you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
