I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
