Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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