apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
