I am puke
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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