So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
