I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
