Where did you get a picture of my penis
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
