Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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