well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize