the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
