you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
