why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
