I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my vag is so smooth its legendary
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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