i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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