so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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