She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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