i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
