4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In the future we'll all be gay
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
