i may or may not be watching the land before time
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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