Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
