Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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