I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have feelings that need drinking.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
