I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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