she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
