Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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