I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
