do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
