Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
