The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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