you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
