in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
