how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
