please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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