get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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