Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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