Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
